I realized how long I’d been holding
on, and that my discomfort stemmed from my heart being ready to let go long
before my head caught up to what that looked or felt like. Because all of
these things I was absorbed by, they weren’t necessarily all bad. But the old
songs, pictures, feelings, and beliefs, they no longer suited me, yet I
continued to live life according to their rigid terms; as if they were
holding a gun to my skull. That was the day I chose to walk away; to discover,
learn, and grow; free of pretense and shame, old habits and routines.
Untethered to the fear that I’m not worthy of the life my heart’s boldly been
pulling me towards every night as I lie awake; its restlessness making me uneasy to
the point of insomnia. The force of nature that had outgrown the dusty life I
was offering it was stirring within me, demanding more, always more. That was the
day I gave the burden of my past, both good and bad, to God, and walked with
him hand in hand into this thing called living.
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