Just Because.

I stopped telling myself that life was mine for the taking.

I became burdened by the crushing blow of life, and it became impossible to recognize the positive in anything.

Self-love was replaced by self-loathing.

Gratitude replaced by self-doubt.

And my general zeal for all things good and true started eroding bit by bit into a parasitic worm of fear.

I told myself that life had nothing more to offer me than my daily routine of struggling to fall asleep and wake up, zombie-ing my way through work, and prescribing myself to dull evenings of monotony.

Occasions like dinner with friends and family seemed like a chore; just another thing to add to my laundry list of things exhausting my life source.

I was, and still kind of am, strung out.

I didn’t and still don’t quite know how I got to this point.

I think a big chunk of the answer lies in my frustration of the inability to fully comprehend what the answer to that question might be.

I like answers.


I overindulge in my ability to analyze the shit out of myself.


So when I can't do just that, when I'm at a loss for why exactly I feel so aggravated by life, it's hard for me.


But it's made me realize a few things:


No one is meant to fully answer a question like that about themselves.

-No matter how far you've come, you'll never have everything figured out at any given point in time.

-We are fluid creatures, ever-changing and evolving, never meant to adhere to a rule book.
-And no matter how strong trials and tribulations make you, you still won’t have the strength to face all of life’s hurdles at once.
-Being able to financially support yourself doesn’t mean you don’t need emotional support.

-No amount of self-help articles will help you if you're not willing to put in the effort of helping yourself. 
-There's no quick fix for learning how to love and be good to yourself.

Everyone loves to recite the definition of insanity- doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

 It dawned on me the other day that lately I’ve acted truly insane.

I’m so sick of self-loathing, doubt, and fear acting as the controlling factors of my life.

I’m ready for love, gratitude, and truth to take the stage again.

All of life is a cycle. Today I’m vowing to rinse all of the grime that’s built up, reinvent and refocus my perspective and purpose, and repeat.