On Rugs.

I love rugs; patterned rugs, fuzzy rugs, big rugs, small rugs. They add subtle layers of complexity, texture, and warmth to a room. I moved to a new house recently and went on a bit of a rug binge. I’ve acquired 4 new ones so far to be exact. God Bless you and your rugs, Ikea. I also have 2 old ones I’ve carried with me from place to place throughout the years. They first made their debut about 5 and ½ years ago in my dorm room freshman year of college. I’ve been probed by various people about maybe getting rid of them but have clung tightly... which is weird for me because I’m my mother’s daughter and have been in training for 23 years on the fine art of getting rid of ‘crap.’

Have I successfully painted a picture of how rug obsessive I am yet? Good, let’s digress a little further.

What I don’t like are proverbial rugs- i.e. ‘let’s just sweep it under the rug.’ Most things in life aren’t meant to be swept under a rug and I wish people would be brave and truthful enough to realize that. Yes, there are occasional things that are better left unsaid; but that’s the exception, not the rule. The things you love, hate, are passionate about, that drive you crazy… I challenge you to be loud about them. It might make people uncomfortable but do them a favor and help them grow a little because as I’ve mentioned before, ‘life begins at the end of your comfort zone.’  Help spark in them the light that sparks in yourself when you boldly take control of your life and lose the broom.

It doesn’t make you a strong person to not talk about how (s)he broke your heart, that sometimes you just need to cry, or that you incurred something God awful that no one should ever have to go through. It’s also not ‘cool’ to conveniently sweep our passions and convictions out of sight. We’re not meant to sit around like a bunch of art exhibits; quietly letting others make their own assumptions about us only for them to walk away and leave behind nothing but a layer of judgmental dust. We’re made to yell and scream and own our stories. You’re the first and last YOU to walk this earth; there’s never going to be another one. So own the f*ck out of yourself. Share your stories, don’t be scared to let yourself be heard, and stop doubting whether you matter or not. Because you do... you matter a lot. You also truly never know whose day you could turn around, life you could save, or person you could connect with by opening yourself up and letting others peek inside.

Clap for the good, bad, ugly, and quirky parts of yourself. Clap for the hurt that's caused you to grow, the moments that awakened something inside of you, and all the little in-between occurrences that have shaped your perspective and character.  A harsh but true reality is that if you’re not clapping for yourself you sure as hell can’t expect anyone else to. Your life is far too important and one-of-a-kind to be swept under a rug.

On a lighter note, Ikea really does have amazing rugs if you’re in the market J.

Main Takeaways:

"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."       -Anne Lamott

Lose the pretense and the broom.



Only boring people care about clean.

On Holes.

I bought this sweater a couple months back. It’s one of those see through ones where you have to wear a cami underneath because the material isn’t tightly sewn together. Needless to say it has special wash instructions but even more needless to say I got lazy, threw it in with the rest of the laundry, and didn’t realize until I got to work the next day that two decently sized holes had resulted from my carelessness. I get hung up on weird things like unwanted holes in sweaters and didn’t want to wait until I was home to stitch them back together. And, if I’m being honest, I don’t own a sewing kit. I figured my manager would have a needle and thread since she’s a knick-knack collector; sure enough she did. I googled ‘How to Sew’ and stumbled across a wikiHow article that lists 7 steps with pictures. “Easy enough,” I thought. Needle, thread, and gumption in tow, I headed to the bathroom to stitch those bad boys up. I failed… miserably.

The truth is I don’t know how to stitch holes together and no amount of wikiHow articles is going to teach me- even if they do include pictures. I needed the kind of hands-on help that you can’t get from a computer screen. I marched back into my manager’s office, swallowed my embarrassment, and bashfully asked her if she would come to the bathroom to help me with my situation.  Of course she obliged; she’s a maternal wonder woman. She had the holes and my pride stitched back together in less than fifteen minutes.

Here’s the thing, I’m independent and I like it that way. I take my fair share of buzzfeed quizzes and always get results like, ‘You’re never going to get married- you’re strong and independent.’ Or, ‘You’re semi-approachable- you tend to do your own thing.’ Etc. And while I’m halfway kidding about the buzzfeed thing and have enough wits about me to know they aren’t the coup de grace of any future matrimony and social happenstances, the results I get leave me wondering, do I go about life striving to be a little too independent?

When did I stop thinking it was okay to ask for a person’s help in stitching the holes of my life back together? Life gets tough and sometimes I can’t do it on my own; no one can. I heard a great sermon a couple weeks ago with the main point being that it’s only a fool who isolates his or her self and never solicits the help of others.  To ask for a lending hand when you actually need it isn’t a sign of weakness or incompetency; it means you have humility and enough self-awareness to know when you can’t go it alone. I used to think strength was only defined by words like success, accomplishment, and perseverance. I now know that an equally important aspect of it is the ability to let go, fall to your knees, and humbly ask for the advice, assistance, and love of others when you need it most. Don't be afraid to let others help you stitch some holes back together every now and then.

Main Takeaways:

"It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed"
-Napoleon Hill

It's okay to ask for help sometimes.

Learn how to humble yourself.

Don't be a fool by isolating yourself.

On Detours.

 

It was one of those dark, cold, rainy nights after work and all I wanted was to be home already. I knew the commute was going to be bad since people seem to have amnesia and forget how to drive when the slightest bit of precipitation hits the ground. I was right. The light I usually take to get to the other side of the highway was backed up by about 25 minutes. I improvised last minute, made a left turn where I never had before, and ended up getting home in almost half the time it usually takes. It was a pleasant surprise. I never would’ve taken that way if I wasn’t forced into it by red lights and ceaseless braking.

I bet you already know where I’m going with this, smarty pants. More times than not the best things that happen to us are unplanned. The seasons of my life that I go into unwillingly- kicking and screaming and desperately hanging on to my own plans, are usually the best ones. When you learn to let go, roll with the punches, and take some detours, you open yourself up to the infinite possibility that is life. You also save yourself tons of frustration and white knuckling. A lot of times what we think is best for us turns out to be nothing more than an illusion born in fear. I’ll admit- it’s scary to leave your comfort zone. But the thought of never leaving it is even scarier.  

As long as you’re striving towards being the best version of yourself possible, the universe will have your back- every single time. So close your eyes, take a deep breath, and don’t be afraid to ask of life every single damn thing you are worthy and deserving of.  Just don't fool yourself into believing that the best case scenario will happen if you're not willing to take a detour or two.

 Main Takeaways:

'Life begins at the end of your comfort zone'

‘Promise yourself….To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you’ –Christian D. Larson


Basically- The universe has your back, so long as you're willing to let it do its thing.




xo.

As Featured on 'I am her' tribe

I clung tooth and nail to a relationship that grew to be unfit for me; trying to fit inside an impossibly small box of unrealistic expectations. At that point in life I was lost; truth eluded me. Through a series of events I garnished the gumption to finally walk away. What followed was a time of pain caused by growth that led me to discover the duality of my nature.


I'm complicated and over-analytical / I'm laid back and easy going. I'm deeply empathetic / I'm one step removed. I keep my circle small / I appreciate what people from all walks of life bring to the table. I long to make others feel comfortable / I'm hard to get to know. I'm fiercely independent / I strongly desire the comforts of home, family, and old friends. I give the benefit of the doubt / I'm slow to trust. I am light / I am dark. I am good natured / I have a mischievous streak. Some days I wake up feeling like I could conquer the world / Others I wake with tears in my eyes.

I don't know where I'll be years down the road; I do know this: it's okay to not know. It's okay to not white knuckle it. It feels good to let go of the comfortable and be scared out of your mind. It's intoxicating to take life back into your own hands; to be high off life of your own volition.


You owe others no explanation of why they no longer serve you, so long as you walk away gracefully. What's not okay is confining your love to an undeserving few / There's no nobility in masking your inner potential to satisfy those who are determined to stifle your growth. It's also not okay to use others as a quick remedy to your loneliness / Real joy is learning your unique definition of love which was engrained into your soul by your Maker, back when body was just a meditation and before ego told you that you weren't good enough.


I am raw. I am real. I am tried. I am true. I'm a dynamism that has no business being contained, labeled, or made small.

On Allergies.

I was 5 the first time I got strep throat. It was fun. Being the ‘I’m so adverse to a doctor's office I’ll pass out just thinking about one’ kind of mom she is, Julie waited until I was pretty sick to take me to see a pediatrician. Upon arrival they swabbed my tonsils, gave me a shot of penicillin and some antibiotics, and sent us home. Like any young sickling would do I fell into a fitful slumber only to wake up to a head-to-toe poison ivy looking rash and faint breathing. Low and behold we found out I have a penicillin allergy. It turned out to be nothing that a hot oatmeal bath and time couldn’t fix, but at the time it SUCKED. I mean, obviously it really, really sucked- I still remember how it felt (and I don’t have that good of a memory). Now, 18 years later, any time I frequent a doctor’s office the first thing I’m sure to note on my chart is that I’m allergic to penicillin. I swerve on that hoe so hard.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault that I had such a bad allergic reaction to it. We never would’ve known if it wasn’t for the trial-and-error. But we left it at just that- one trial and one error.

The older I get the more I’ve started to view certain types of people as allergies. In a world of 7 billion plus we’re bound to butt heads with a few different personality types. We’re unique individuals with different tastes, motivators, passions, etc. There’s absolutely no way we could all live in perfect harmony together. Sorry if that sounds cynical but Eve supposedly ate the apple, not me. I was even browsing around in Barnes & Noble one time and I saw a book titled 'The Sociopath Next Door.'  It's written by a psychologist who claims that 1 in 25 Americans is a sociopath. Suffice it to say that's one type of person right there I'm allergic to.

Do I think everyone deserves a second chance? Absolutely. Humans are entitled to a few more trial-and-errors than a life-threatening medicine. At the same time, there’s no point in forcing certain relationships to work- whether they're intimate, platonic, family related, etc.- if they just don’t work. It doesn’t mean either of you is a bad person. It means that, for whatever reason, the two of you cannot and will not see eye-to-eye. So save yourself some allergic reactions and go hangout with one of the other 6,999,999,999+ people in this world.

Main Takeaways:

'Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.'

Surround yourself with others that see the best in you even when you're all 'sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no makeup on' ...both metaphorically and literally.

xo.

On Basic Bitches.

 

Watch out world, there’s a not-so-new kind of girl- one that is both basic and bitchy; and it looks like she’s here to stay a while. Are you an aspiring ‘Basic Bitch?’ Or, if you’re already on your way, are you wondering if you’re there yet and need a few tangible checkpoints? Look no further. This list is the end-all to any and all of your basic questions. 

If you love, actively participate in, or have been guilty of 15 or more of the following things on this ‘Basic’ A-Z list, chances are, you’re a Basic Bitch- just like me. Congratulations!

 

’50 Shades of Grey’

80s Movies

Anything Artisan

Anything Leopard Print

Artsy Pictures

Bar Method

Being In A Relationship

Being On Fleek

Being Single

Being Thirsty

Being Too Hungover At Class/Work to Function

Bike Rides

Bleached Hair

Blogging

Book Clubs

Booties

Bottle Service

Brunch

Burgers

Calling Wine ‘Vino’

Captioning IG Pics with Song Lyrics

Cats

Checking FB On Your Phone When You Already Have it Pulled Up On Your PC

Chips & Guac

Christmas Gift Exchanges

Coffee

Cranberry Vodkas

Creating Future ‘Wedding Boards’ on Pinterest

Crop Tops

Cupcakes

David Yurman

Day Drinking

Detoxing

Dinner Parties

Dogs

Donuts

Drunkenly Becoming Besties with Girls in Bathrooms

Eyebrow Waxing, Threading, & Dying

Face Contouring

Fall

Falling In Love

Fedoras

Feeling Like The World Hates You

Filters

Flannels

Food Documentation

Food Trucks

Frequenting Dog Parks When You Have No Dog

Fresh Pressed Juice

Friendsgiving

Froyo

Getting Engaged

Getting Married

Going Up On A Tuesday

Guys With Man Buns

Guys With Facial Hair

Guys with Tats

Grocery Shopping at Whole Foods/Trader Joe’s/Central Market

Group Texting

Heartbreak

Heated Debates About Which SATC Characters You & Your Friends Are

High-Waisted Jean Shorts

Home Decorating

Iced Green Tea

Infiniti Scarves

Inspirational Quotes

Keeping Up With the Kardashians

Kendra Scott

Leather Leggings

Midi Rings

Mimosas

Mini Bundt Cakes

Music Festivals

Never Seriously Considering Dating Anyone Who Doesn’t Have An iPhone

Nude Lips

Ombres

OOTD/OOTN Pics

Oversized Sweaters

Overuse of Emoji’s

Oxygen

Parks

Passive Aggressively Texting Your Ex

Pilates

Pinterest

Pizza

Planning A Future Wedding With A Guy You Just Met

Pretending Like You’re Not Into The Guy Who’s Into You

Pretending Like You’re Taylor Swift

Rainy Days

Ranting About Your Ex’s New GF

Red Lipstick

Rollerblading

Rompers

Saying You’re Going To Start Eating Healthier

Saying You’re Going To Start Working Out

Selfies

Self-Help Articles

Sex And The City

Simultaneously Posting On Your IG & Twitter

Singing Girl Power Songs in the Car

Shellac Manicures

Showing Up to Work or Class Smelling Like the Bar You Went to the Night Before

Snapchat

Spin-Offs of an Already Ongoing Group Text

Spring

Stalking A Guy You Just Met On Every Social Media Platform Available

Starbucks

Succulents

Summer

Sunglasses

Sunny Days

Talking About How Much You Want To Travel

Talking About The Aforementioned Guy That’s Into You

Talking to Anyone Who Will Listen About What You Ate On Any Given Day

Tailgating

Taylor Swift

Telling Off A Stranger Because You Had Too Many Cranberry Vodkas

Telling Your Friends You Are NOT Looking to Date

The Bachelor

The Bachelorette

The Color Scheme White & Camel

Tory Burch

Uggs

Use of Hashtags

Use of the Phrase ‘This Girl’ or ‘This Guy’

Waking Up & Having No Idea What Happened The Night Before

Wine & Cheese Boards

Winter

Workout Clothes

Yoga

 




I'm only kidding. You know that, right?


Main Takeaways:


The fact that you're a little quirky, are really amazing at life, and have a stellar sense of style doesn't make you a Basic Bitch.


You're exceptionally far from the usual.


xo.

On Inadequacy.

I have a hard time with my inadequacy. I think of it as this scary masked face that comes out to taunt me when I’m alone with my thoughts and feeling vulnerable. It mockingly asks me questions like, “why do you feel worthy?” and, “don’t you know that no one cares what you have to say?” It’s a task to reconcile why anyone would willingly choose to read my thoughts. I’ve gone from being closed off to an open book in a matter of weeks. It’s terrifying, exhilarating, and quite frankly, a little embarrassing. To pour my heart and soul out to you-  a friend, acquaintance, or complete stranger, makes me feel a little raw and uneasy. I don’t view myself as being anymore intellectual, experienced, or worthy than a single damn person on this earth. I am, however, a lover of connection. I yearn to maybe write something that speaks to you or tell you something that you need to be reminded of. More than anything, I want you to know that I’m here. That I, just like you, have experienced skinny love, heart break, and countless disappointments. I’ve had the up-all-nights where: something has gone so terribly wrong that I don't know what to physically do with my body, if pillows had ears they’d be deaf from all the screams they've cushioned, and there’s a private ocean in my mind of all the tears I’ve cried.

In elementary school boys laughed at my body, the person I thought liked me was actually having girls write fake 'love notes' for him, and a teacher yelled at me for sticking up for my friend. By middle school I started giving up bits and pieces of myself because when you’re all wrapped up in puberty and braces it’s easier to try and fit in than to stand out. In high school I didn’t make the cheerleading squad when all of my friends did, my voice wasn’t deemed ‘fit’ enough to be part of the traveling choir, and I made some bad choices that caused a temporary but painful falling out between me and my best friend. Freshman year of college I was robbed of countless friendships because I’d consistently forgo things like mixers and fraternity parties as I was trying to make a long distance relationship work. By sophomore year I was at a new school where I didn’t really fit in. Junior, Senior, and one year post-grad I was grasping so hard at that same relationship that my wrists grew sore and my true heart's desires became unrecognizable.

I won’t sit here and pretend like I’ve experienced any real hardships besides those that come with the awkward territory of growing up. I was born in America, the land of the free, to both a mother and a father. Through the years I’ve had some killer friends that have always remained constants. I also have two sisters that think the world of me. What I’m getting at is this: somewhere along the way I lost who I was because I was too scared to be the authentic version of myself. I was fearful of what people might think of me if the security blanket of my carefully constructed façade were to be ripped out of my grasp. The more of myself I gave up, the less I recognized the person looking back at me in the mirror. It got to the point where I wouldn't even make eye contact with my own reflection. I wasn’t happy and I didn’t feel good enough so I numbed myself with things of convenience like alcohol, guys, anger, and indifference. They say most people won’t change until it’s too painful not to. That was the case here. I don’t know when exactly the train back to my own heart picked me up but it did, and it’s moving at lightening speed- straight ahead- no looking back. The world needed me in my truest form, just like it needs you. The people who are meant to stay in my and your life will be able to keep up and those who aren’t will fall behind. It’s not an ‘I’m better than you’ mentality; it's: ‘I’m finally doing me, so would you please either hold my hand or get out of the way?’

Main Takeaways:


You are not your past mistakes, fears, or rejections.
You are your dreams, desires, and affections.

No one is as worthy of playing the lead role in your life as you are.
You are brilliant beyond comparison in your own way.
You bring something to the table that not a single other soul on this planet ever could.

xo.

On Pain.

Ernest Hemingway told me to “write hard and clear about what hurts.” I tried that approach; it seemed simple and straight-forward.

I found myself making things up for the sake of having tangible evidence of what pains me. The thing is I don’t always know the origin of the hurt. For instance, last night, when I was mindlessly transferring wet clothes from the washer to the dryer, a pain struck me so fiercely that it almost took my breath away.

That pain morphed into a lonely, hollow discomfort that lingered on through the night. I wonder if I can feel the hurt of my loved ones; if there’s a higher form of myself that doesn’t want to see them ache, so I willingly take on some of their gloom.

It’s as if a deal is being made between two strangers in a dimly lit alley during the dead of night. “Can you take some of me on for a minute? I’m worried the weight of my feeling is crushing the vessel I’ve taken up residence in,” says one dark trench coat to another. “Sure, I can do that. But I won’t have time to give my vessel any warning,” says the other. “That’s okay; this is urgent, please, take whatever you think your vessel can manage.”

It’s kind of humorous to think that pain would work in such a way; with a conscious. But really, it makes sense.

 I believe that pain doesn’t want to be in our lives just as much as we don’t want it there; that it’s a necessary and mandatory feeling we must take on in order to fully live the human experience, but that it also feels uncomfortable when people define themselves by it. I’m of the conviction that pain is only meant to be temporary, that yes, while it is recurring, it only ever packs itself in a weekend suitcase. It presents itself when we’re in slumps to create great harvests in our lives; benevolently planting seeds so as to make a more bountiful reaping.

Without the discomfort of pain there would be no gain worth attaining; we wouldn’t know what it feels like to scale mountains of tribulation, and the high that comes with making it to the other side. We wouldn’t be able to understand the words triumph, joy, comfort, happiness, grace, and humility. Highs would not really be highs because we would have no lows to compare and contrast them to. The indescribable way it feels to see a loved one in the flesh after days apart would be lost on us. We wouldn't begin to know how to relate to someone who is mourning the loss of a life. There would be no talk of wild, daring, and bold adventures because we would grow to be complacent and apathetic. Yes, pain is rough; sometimes it feels relentless and unfair. But just as sure as the sun sets to rest every evening, it too will eventually pack up its weekend suitcase and pass.

Main Takeaways:




Pain sucks, but it's temporary.

We grow from pain.


Happiness is a choice you have to make countless times a day.